What's Left of Me Read online

JENNA

  ”How on earth did you talk me into doing this?” My breathing is labored as I trek up the steep rocks behind Cole.

  “Quit your complaining, Olsen, and get up here.” Cole turns back to look at me, and that smile he gives me makes my heart do a double skip.

  Seriously? What is wrong with me?

  I shouldn’t be having that kind of reaction, or any reaction for that matter, around Cole. His sister is my best friend. Emma would disown me if she knew how my body was forsaking me in his presence. The skip of my heart? I can handle that with no problem. My stomach fluttering? Easy peasy. But the aching low in my abdomen and between my legs? Yeah. That’s a little harder to ignore.

  I never realized how insanely hot Cole Sullivan was until now. Or how attracted I seem to be to him. When he stood up this morning in nothing but those tight shorts? Goodness gracious. I got an eyeful that I most certainly hadn’t planned on but was more than grateful for. His chest, his abs, his arms—every inch of him was toned and firm. The man is incredibly built and it makes me wonder: How did I not notice this before?

  “We’re almost there,” Cole tells me, and I graciously accept his outstretched hand so he can help me with the climb.

  “Good, because I’m exhausted.” I pant and let him guide me over rocks and through the small brush. “What trail did you pick? Expert level?”

  Cole laughs as we make it to flat land and head down a path. “We’re not on a trail, Jen.”

  Well, that explains a lot.

  I’m miserable at this point, and the only thing keeping me going is the bet Cole and I made before we left the house. If I don’t enjoy myself today, he has to cook me dinner or vice versa. He’d better know his way around the kitchen because the odds are totally in my favor right now.

  As I’m in my moment of misery, the sound of running water catches my attention and I’m instantly intrigued.

  “We’re here,” Cole announces, and he turns to me with an expectant look. “What do you think? Worth it?”

  My jaw falls slack as I take in my surroundings. “Cole, it’s …” I have no words. The view before me is absolutely breathtaking. Secluded in this little nook of nature is the most amazing waterfall I’ve ever seen—the only waterfall I’ve ever seen, actually.

  “This is my favorite place in the world,” Cole says as he approaches me. “It’s my peaceful getaway.”

  “I can see why.” My voice is soft as I glance up at Cole. He truly does seem at peace, and the look on his face tugs at my heart. “Thank you for sharing this with me.”

  His gaze meets mine then, and the corner of his mouth lifts into a sweet grin. “Do you want to stay for a while?”

  “I’d love to,” I tell him, and we find a spot to rest. Bracing my hands against the rocky ground, I lean my face to the sun and let its warmth sink into my skin. When I open my eyes, Cole looks over at me and smiles. “Did you and Emma come here a lot as kids?” I ask.

  “No,” Cole replies with a shake of his head as he reaches for a pebble sitting next to him. “No one knows about this place except me. Well, at least I think no one else knows.” He draws his arm back and sends the flat pebble skittering across the top of the water. “I use to come up here to think, or to just clear my head when I needed to get away from the rest of the world.”

  “This would definitely be a good place to hide away,” I agree and chew on the corner of my mouth as I contemplate asking him what I’ve been dying to ask him since last night. I ultimately decide to not beat around the bush and just go for it. “Where’ve you been, Cole?”

  He reaches for another pebble but pauses before sending it to follow the other. “A lot of places,” he answers me, his tone flat and dull, as he keeps his focus on the cascading water in front of us—and I realize he’s not going to elaborate.

  “Traveling sounds nice,” I say, not wanting to push the issue right now, and reach for one of the pebbles, rolling it around in my palm. “I keep saying one of these days I’m going to get off the East Coast and see the world.”

  “You should,” Cole says with a far off look. “Life’s too short to take for granted.”

  “True,” I softly agree and toss my tiny rock toward the water where it immediately sinks. Darn, I didn’t get a single hop.

  “That,” he says and turns to face me, “was horrible.” Cole laughs and stands up, reaching for my hands and pulls me up as well. “You’ve got to use the flat ones, like this.” Reaching down he takes one of the pebbles and places it in my hand. He then moves behind me, his fingers grazing over my arm to my hand causes my skin to break out in gooseflesh. “Pull back like this …” His other hand falls to my hip, and my breath catches. “And then you just …” With one smooth motion, my arm swings around and sends the pebble hopping across the top of the water.

  “Did you see that?” I squeal as I jump from excitement and point at my accomplishment. “Seven skips! I beat you!”

  “That doesn’t count. I helped you.” Cole laughs and shakes his head at my ridiculous celebratory dance.

  “Oh whatever,” I tell him, gently shoving at his shoulder. “I beat you and you know it.”

  “All right, I’ll let you have this one since I won our bet,” he says with a grin, and I shoot him a challenging look. “Don’t even try to act like you didn’t have fun today.”

  I pinch my lips and attempt to fight my smirk, but it doesn’t work. “Fine, you got me,” I tell him. “But you’re going to have to carry me down this mountain if you plan on eating before midnight.”

  4

  COLE

  ”I was just kidding,” Jenna tells me, her mouth inches away from my ear with the rest of her body curled around my back. “Come on, I’m too heavy for this. Put me down.”

  I chuckle and readjust my grip on her thighs. “First of all, you’re far from too heavy. Hell, my gear weighed more than you do, and I carried that around in hundred-degree weather,” I joke. “Plus, I’m starving. And with the way you hike I think it’d be closer to tomorrow afternoon by the time we got back to the house instead of your original estimate.”

  Her hand slaps against my chest. “Shut up.”

  I chuckle again and make my way down the steep incline with Jenna perched on my back. And I know she was joking when she’d insisted I carry her. I’m not an idiot. But I’m also not stupid enough to pass up an opportunity to hold her in my arms and have those soft curves pressed into me—especially when it was her idea.

  When we make it back to the house, I release her from my hands as she slides away from me. A disapproving groan bubbles in my chest from her sudden absence, and I fight hard to hold it back.

  “I need a shower,” she says on a sigh as she makes her way up the deck stairs in front of me. Her ass is in perfect sightline with my eyes, and I’m drawn to the way her hips sway with each step. “You’re not going to fade away from famine if you have to wait for me to take one, are you?”

  Sunlight filters through the treetops and bounces off of her golden hair and tan shoulders as she turns back to me. Her smile steals my breath, and there is no doubt in my mind that this will forever be one of those images burned into my brain. I’m staring, but I can’t help it, and—honestly?—I don’t care. I’ve missed seeing her pretty face and smile that warms me to the core … and her laugh, her personality, even that dorky dance move she does when she gets excited after winning at something. Hell, I’ve missed all of her. But she doesn’t know that, and she also doesn’t know how just the thought of her right before I fall to sleep usually keeps the nightmares at bay.

  “I’ll be okay.”

  She holds my gaze for a moment longer, her amused expression softening, and then disappears into the house as she calls over her shoulder, “Grab a beer and relax. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

  Relax. Yeah right. Every nerve and muscle in my body is wound up so tight I feel like I can barely move. I run my hand through my hair and blow out a long, hard breath then force myself to get moving. By
the time Jenna’s done with her shower, I’ve got the grill going with our steaks sizzling, and the delicious aroma fills the area of the deck.

  “I’m supposed to be doing that,” she says to me, walking barefoot over to where I’m manning the grill. Her hair is still damp from her shower, and I catch a whiff of her fruity shampoo when she stops next to me. She smells amazing.

  “I figured you were pretty worn out from our hike,” I tell her with a shrug, even though I really had no intentions of making her cook tonight anyway—bet or no bet. “They’re almost done, unless you’ve changed and don’t like your steaks medium rare anymore.”

  A soft look of surprise crosses her face and her lips curve upward on one side. “You remember how I like my steak?”

  I remember everything you like. “We have known each other forever.”

  “Yes, we have,” she agrees, and I notice the tiny sparkle in her eyes. “I’ll go make us some salads and be right back. Do you want another beer?” Her eyes glance around the deck. “Or any beer at all?” She laughs after noticing I don’t have one.

  I smile and shake my head. “Thanks, but I … uh … I don’t really drink anymore, Jen. A water would be great, though.”

  I see the question in her eyes, but all she says is, “Okay,” and heads into the house.

  We sit at the patio table and enjoy our meal as the sun sets—shades of red and orange fill the darkening sky and glint across the still lake.

  “Oh my goodness,” Jenna says after taking a bite of her food. “This is seriously the best steak I have ever had. My compliments to the chef.”

  “I’m glad you like it,” I reply and shoot her a grin. Our conversation shifts to Jenna as she tells me all about her job. I get to hear all about the Vice Principal from hell that finally got replaced this year—which makes me laugh because Jenna refuses to curse and all of these euphemisms she’s using remind me of those dirty mouth Orbit gum commercials. She tells me about her students and how this last group of kids she taught was her favorite yet. When the conversation moves to our families, I tense.

  “Mom and Dad are good,” she says, placing her fork on her empty plate and wiping her mouth with a napkin. “They stay busy with work these days and planning next year’s vacation to Hawaii to celebrate their anniversary.”

  I nod my head and take a drink of my water.

  “Your parents have been doing pretty good, too,” she tells me with caution, and I look across the table to meet her thoughtful gaze. “They miss you.”

  I acknowledge her with another soft nod and change the subject. “How are things with Mark?”

  She blinks and straightens in her chair the tiniest bit, but I notice. I may have disappeared for a while, but I did check in with my sister every now and then, so even though I asked, I know how things are with Mark. I just need to hear it from her.

  “Mark and I broke up last year,” she says and immediately takes a drink from her wine glass.

  “Sorry to hear that.” It’s a lie, but I’m not going to be an asshole about it. I’m over-the-top thrilled that things ended between them. They should have a long time ago.

  Mark was never right for Jenna, and I feel like a jerk for even thinking that because he used to be one of my best friends. We went to high school together, enlisted together, served together, and always had each other’s backs. He was fun, charismatic, and extremely flirtatious, which is probably why he did so well with the ladies. Me on the other hand? I was okay, and although I did have my fair share of female companionship, Mark beat me to the one I really wanted. I’m not surprised why Jenna fell for him, but I am surprised that she stayed with him for as long as she did. I knew Mark, and he wasn’t the kind of guy who wanted to be tied down to one woman for the rest of his life. I also knew Jenna, and it was clear that her future plans were far different from his.

  But I digress.

  After our tour in Afghanistan, and the events that occurred while Mark and I were there, our friendship just … dissolved. I’m glamorizing it. Our friendship was torn to shreds like a bullet piercing through flesh, hitting the bone and shattering it to pieces while the fragments rip your insides apart. I know the feeling all too well, both literally and figuratively.

  “It’s fine,” Jenna says, which brings me out of my dark thoughts. “We were together for nine years, and I just go to the point where I didn’t see us going anywhere. And he’d changed so much after you guys got back from Afghanistan.” Her expression turns sad, and I know what she’s thinking about. “I guess we all did,” she adds quietly. “I think his bitterness just really got to me, and when I realized I was never going to be enough for him I just … I called it off. It surprised me how okay he was with it, but at least we ended it on a good note and decided to just be friends.”

  All I can do is nod and give her the faintest of smiles. It kills me knowing the shit she’s been through. The heartache. The pain. And all of it something that could’ve been avoided if I’d just …

  “I’m kind of tired,” she says, and she starts to gather her dishes. “Your little hike really kicked my butt, and I know I’m going to pay for it tomorrow.” She smiles at me and slowly stands. “But I did have fun.”

  “Me too,” I tell her. “Thanks for coming with me.”

  “Anytime. Goodnight, Cole.”

  “Goodnight, Jenna.”

  5

  JENNA

  My eyes scan across the page of my current read, and I tug on my bottom lip with my teeth. It’s a sexy book, scorching to be quite honest, to the point where I’m almost embarrassed to be reading it. But that’s not what’s got me tugging on my lip and practically squirming in my lounge chair. I may be reading about a drop-dead sexy widowed rancher and his new love interest, but all I see in my mind is Cole.

  Oh my goodness. Cole.

  The things my subconscious came up with last night in my dreams were enough to make a prostitute blush. I should be ashamed for even thinking such things about him, even though I wasn’t in a controlled state of mind, but I am so far from shameful it’s ridiculous. The feel of his hands gliding up my legs, my hips, my stomach, my breasts; the taste of his mouth; and the way my skin beaded wherever his lips landed—it was all so real that I woke up slightly disappointed.

  Okay, I was very disappointed.

  “Whatcha reading?”

  I jump at the sound of Cole’s deep voice, causing my floppy sun hat to fall over my eyes.

  “Sorry,” Cole apologizes. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Again.” He bends down next to me and grabs my book. I must’ve dropped it when he startled me. “Taken by the Rancher,” he reads aloud, and I feel my cheeks flame with heat at his knowing grin. “Sounds like a real page-turner.”

  I take the book from his outstretched hand and adjust my red bikini before I relax back onto the lounge chair. Cole takes the seat next to me.

  ”Is this what you’re going to do all day?” he asks me, and I turn to look at him. His head is resting against the back of the lounge chair, his face turned to the sun as he soaks up the rays. “Veg out and read your porn?”

  My jaw falls and I slap him with the book. “It is not porn, thank you very much.”

  He laughs and tilts his head toward me, his eyes bright with amusement. “Do they have sex?”

  I lift my chin with a very Scarlett O’Hara defiance. “Yes, they make love.”

  “A lot?” Cole asks with a raised brow and a grin that twists my insides.

  “Define a lot,” I say.

  He laughs and shakes his head. “You’ve got porn.”

  “Whatever,” I tell him and open my book—upside down. I casually flip it so I can begin where I left off. “Don’t you have mountains to climb or exploring to do?” I ask and a smirk plays at my lips. “Go get your map and backpack and run along now, Dora.”

  As I search the page, looking for where I left off, I notice Cole from the corner of my eye as he stands up. Is he leaving? Maybe he didn’t find my Dora the Explorer comeback
as funny as I did. I instantly feel bad. I didn’t really mean for him to “run along,” I just wanted him to stop teasing me about my dirty book. “Cole,” I say with a sigh. “Hang on a sec—what are you doing?”

  Cole scoops me up into his arms and cradles me against his chest as he runs for the water—my hat and my book both long gone, laying in the sand by my chair.

  “Don’t you dare!” I squeal and try to free myself. “Cole!” Water splashes around us as he rushes into the lake. His grip on me tightens as he spins and falls backward into the cool water, taking both of us under. I burst through the surface and gasp for air before wiping my face. I hear him before I see him, and when I open my eyes, he’s right in front of me laughing. “You jerk. I can’t believe you did that,” I chide and splash him.

  Cole laughs again and ducks beneath the surface. My eyes dart around, looking for ripples or anything to alert me of his whereabouts, but I see nothing. “Where’d you go?” I call out, just as I feel his hands against my thighs and then—omigosh—his head pushing between my legs. Startled, I let out a tiny scream as Cole stands up and I’m sitting on his shoulders. “Are you crazy? What are you doing?”

  “Exploring,” he answers with a chuckle and wipes his hand over his face. “Hold your breath.” And we’re falling again, the water crashing around us as I go under once more.

  I come up for air and surprise myself by giggling. Giggling! I look around for Cole and find him behind me. “No fair,” I say with a laugh and splash him again. “I can’t pick you up and toss you around like that.”

  His sly smile makes my stomach jump. “You can try,” he says with a shrug and swims over to me.

  We move to a shallower point, and I laugh at the ridiculousness of this scenario. I know I can’t lift him, but I’m also not one for giving up so easily. “Ready?” I say, more to myself than him, but he nods anyway. I bend my knees and wrap my arms around his thighs, which puts my face directly in line with his abs. Holding my breath, I use every bit of strength I have and try to stand upright. We move, but my attempt to go up doesn’t work and gravity pulls me backward—making Cole fall right on top of me. I’m pulled to the surface, and I feel his hands wipe the water from my face and brush through my hair.